by Melissa Dellens, MA, LMFT, TRM-1
Truly being oneself in the presence of others can be a scary prospect. Concerns about safety and acceptance are valid. Everyone holds some tension about how “real” they can be with those around them. This conflict is even bigger for Autistic people whose behavior and ways of communicating are often judged and criticized. Autistic masking (or masking) can help Neurodivergent people feel more accepted in social spaces but can come at a high cost (Pearson & Rose, 2021).
Academic understanding of masking has been grounded in research related to stress LGBTQIA+ people experience from concealment (staying in the closet) and disclosure decisions (coming out). Masking suppresses natural Autistic expression and ways of being. Chronic masking can lead to increased anxiety, depression, substance use, burnout and suicidality, similar to hiding a gender or sexual identity.
The Social Mask
Many neurodivergent people have spent years perfecting a “social mask” to fit into a neurotypical world (Libsack, et al., 2021). This can include
- Changing behaviors for the comfort of others
- Developing inauthentic ways of speaking
- Suppressing natural physical movement like stimming
- Copying the mannerisms of other people to “act more normal”
- Using performative gendered stereotypes
- Hiding emotional or physical pain
Everyone needs to monitor the ways they behave in certain circumstances. The ways we act at work are different than the ways we act at therapy, and the ways we act at home. The problem becomes when these strategies are no longer choices and begin to impact someone’s sense of self. According to Lei, et al. (2024), beginning to un-mask can be a scary idea considering the need for the social mask may stem from
- Discomfort in social situations
- Experience of judgement or criticism from others
- Exclusion from relationships or activities that can build confidence
- Victimization or bullying
- Chronic messages that an Autistic way of being isn’t “normal”
The Impacts of Chronic Masking
A heavy social mask becomes a burden and can affect stress, self-esteem, and confidence leading to a variety of mental health concerns (Pearson & Rose, 2021). One example to illustrate the stressors related to masking is Neurodivergent and Disabled college students. Autistic people pursuing a college degree report a higher likelihood of dropping out in their first year and can take more than the traditional four years to graduate (Hillier, et al, 2026).
Autistic students can find the first couple weeks of a new term incredibly emotional and stressful. There are many executive functioning and interpersonal skills required to plan for success, arrange accommodations, and decide with professors about individualized changes to the syllabus.
While a diagnosis is often on record with Student Disability Centers to get accommodations approved, students are not required to disclose their diagnoses to their professors to use their accommodations (JED Foundation, n.d.). This choice is loaded especially when there is not an existing relationship with the instructor. The initiative to engage with accommodation is often on the student, which requires emailing the professor or arranging a meeting after class or during office hours within the first week of the new term.
This experience can bring anxieties and conflict related to:
- Not knowing how to ask for help, or what would be helpful
- Earlier experiences of being overlooked or neglected
- Expectations that systems and institutions aren’t willing
- Stress related to hierarchical or authoritarian relationships
Autistic Burnout
These internal stressors can increase the instinct to mask and push through difficult experiences without enough support. This can lead to an increase in perfectionism, disconnection, paralysis, or further isolation from other support systems (Pearson & Rose, 2021). The inability to access or identify emotional responses in a sustained way can lead to burnout, relationship challenges, and the mental health considerations listed above.
Often, neurodivergent clients come to therapy in a state of burnout that can be confused with depression, anxiety or panic disorders (Petty, 2025). Clients can be consciously aware that they are masking, but in a state of burnout many authentic ways of expression have been unconsciously set aside. A neurodivergent affirming therapist that has ways of working with masking and careful unmasking can see this presentation entirely differently. Beginning to assess minority stressors and chronic burnout can help clients begin to find more emotional regulation and strategies to find their own pace, safely ask for help, and work toward more consistent success.
Autistic- Affirmative Spaces (including therapy!)
Affirming environments allow for rich identity exploration and help change the way clients can begin thinking about brain based differences. Accepting Autistic traits in safer spaces can still be anxiety provoking but can also help create a path toward finding a balance of authenticity in a world with social expectations (Belek, 2023). In this experience, there is more power in deciding HOW and WHEN to use a social mask. This freedom can
- Reduce overwhelm in sensory experiences
- Develop more consistent support needs and accommodation
- Build communication skills to ask for the right kinds of help
- Identify more reliable rhythm of work and rest or social life and solitude
- Gaining a stronger sense of self and identity communities
Conclusion
Anytime someone has had to hide parts of their self for safety and acceptance, it can take time to give these hidden aspects more space to be expressed. There are a lot of good reasons people make for making decisions about disclosure and concealment. Major life or relationship changes, periods of grief and loss, or life crises can be moments of reconsidering what’s working and what’s not in one’s life. Having an affirmative space to explore and consider one’s ways of being can help make more conscious decisions about how to show up in the world for oneself and others.
References
Belek, B. (2023). “A Smaller Mask”: Freedom and Authenticity in Autistic Space. Culture, Medicine & Psychiatry, 47(3), 626–646. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11013-022-09794-1
Hillier, A., Veneziano, J., Desruisseaux, J., Wood, A., Buckingham, A., Syed, A., & Patel, A. (2026). A mixed method analysis of autistic college students’ experiences. Journal of American College Health, 74(1), 60–70. https://doi.org/10.1080/07448481.2025.2484558
JED Foundation (n.d.). Disclosing Disabilities in College. Retrieved from: https://jedfoundation.org/resource/disclosing-disabilities-in-college/
Lei, J., Leigh, E., Charman, T., Russell, A., & Hollocks, M. J. (2024). Understanding the relationship between social camouflaging in autism and safety behaviours in social anxiety in autistic and non‐autistic adolescents. Journal of Child Psychology & Psychiatry, 65(3), 285–297. https://doi.org/10.1111/jcpp.13884
Libsack, E. J., Keenan, E. G., Freden, C. E., Mirmina, J., Iskhakov, N., Krishnathasan, D., & Lerner, M. D. (2021). A Systematic Review of Passing as Non-autistic in Autism Spectrum Disorder. Clinical Child & Family Psychology Review, 24(4), 783–812. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10567-021-00365-1
Pearson, A., & Rose, K. (2021). A Conceptual Analysis of Autistic Masking Understanding the Narrative of Stigma and the Illusion of Choice. Autism in Adulthood, 3, 52-60.
Petty, S., Lambarth, S., & Hamilton, L. G. (2025). Rethinking anxiety and depression for autistic adults through personal narratives: A mixed‐method analysis of blog data. Counselling & Psychotherapy Research, 25(1), 1–13. https://doi.org/10.1002/capr.12729